I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

• My parents are splitting up.
• Apparently they're "staying friends".
• They've been snapping at each other and arguing since last Summer, and it only seems to get worse.
• My Mum has found someone else - her first boyfriend, before she married Dad.
• They've both changed from when they first got married, but I thought they'd always be a team.
• I noticed something was up when Mum started getting secretive about who she was emailing/texting/phoning last year.
• Being told yesterday about the split (after my last exam) was kind of a relief, cause it confirmed my suspicions.
• Dad only found out yesterday as well, Mum didn't want to ruin my exams by letting anything slip.
• She's going to try and find a job in Manchester and move up there - where this bloke lives.

I'm upset.

I'm fucking angry.

I'm relieved.

I feel lost.

They both still love me.

I still love both of them.

I'm 19, but I feel about 5.

I suffer from anxiety/depression.

My world has been torn apart.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me, and who holds my world together - even when it's broken.

I don't know what to do with myself any more.

Chapter the First: In which new beginnings are explained.

Well, golly. I've had a bit of a clear out of this blog, and I think maybe it's time to start it up again, get a few things out.

The last couple of months have been really weird, and sort of new. I've started my 3rd year of 6th Form (EPIC FAIL), whilst the majority of my friends have jetted off to uni. It was bad when my friends last year and the year before went, but this year means that the last of the people I hung out with are moving in different circles, or in different cities. I've been trying not to feel too crap about this, because I still talk to them occasionally, work (mine or theirs) allowing and I still see the Plymouth guys - but I do feel like I've failed someone. Somewhere. My boyfriend, Dave, has been really supportive and wonderful - i.e. putting up with the tears and funny 5 minutes here and there - and I'm so glad I've got him.

School's okay, because I've got a group of good friends in the year below me, and the year 12s in my lessons aren't too bad (bit of a mixed bag).

I was planning on doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, for those of you not in the know) this year - but with one thing and another, I never got round to planning that much, other than a few crazy ideas. I might store them away and pull them out again next year, but who knows.

I've been playing a lot of World of Warcraft recently, in between homeworks and social events (I do have a life, so there!) and I'm finally getting towards level 80 - only 13 more levels to go! In Outland now with Thalian (Aszune server) and am burning through quests with my sister. :)

Not really much more to say... I guess it'll be a long wait again for the next post. I always forget that I have a blog, to be quite honest. :S

Sayonara.

x x x